PCV: Paid Caribbean Vacation

• We're number one in millionaires.
• We're number one in billionaires.
• We're number one in military spending.
• We're number one in firearm deaths.
• We're number one in beef production.
• We're number one in per capita energy use.
• We're number one in carbon dioxide emissions (more than Australia, Brazil, Canada, France, India, Indonesia, Germany, Italy, Mexico, and the United Kingdom combined).
• We're number one in total and per capita municipal waste (720 kilograms per person per year).
• We're number one in hazardous waste produced (by a factor of twenty times our nearest competitor, Germany).
• We're number one in oil consumption.
• We're number one in natural gas consumption.
• We're number one in the least amount of tax revenue generated (as a percentage of gross domestic product).
• We're number one in the least amount of federal and state government expenditure (as a percentage of GDP).
• We're number one in daily per capita consumption of calories.
• We're number one in lowest voter turnout.
• We're number one in number of political parties represented in the lower or single house.
• We're number one in recorded rapes (by a factor of almost three times our nearest competitor -- Canada).
• We're number one in injuries and deaths from road accidents (almost twice as many as runner-up Canada).
• We're number one in births to mothers under the age of 20 (again, more than twice as many as Canada, and nearly twice as many as number two New Zealand).
• We're number one in the number of international human rights treaties not signed.
• We're number one among countries in the United Nations with a legally constituted government to not ratify the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.
• We're number one in number of known executions of child offenders.
• We're number one in likelihood of children under the age of fifteen to commit suicide with a gun.
• We're number one in lowest eigth-grade math scores.
• We're number one in becoming the first society in history in which the poorest group in the population are children.

Pause and reflect on that list. Doesn't it make the heart swell with a sense of pride, knowing that we as Americans - and no one else - can get to the top in so many categories?